


O, teach me how I should forget to think

by Ameera, NoOneKnowsIWriteThis



Series: Loyal Son of Tain [3]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: AU where Garak is the head of the Obsidian Order and Dukat is an exile, Episode: s02e05 Profit and Loss, Garak is dangerous, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 06:32:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12075465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameera/pseuds/Ameera, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis/pseuds/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis
Summary: Loyal Son of Tain AUGarak is back on the station, ostensibly to deal with the Natima Lang situation. Meanwhile Dukat gives Julian a warning.-Julian frowned. “Is this about Garak?”Dukat let out an exasperated sigh. “Of course it’s about Garak."





	O, teach me how I should forget to think

Julian gasped as his orgasm rocked through him. When he came back to himself, Garak was smiling above him. Julian grinned dreamily back at him.

“No words, my dear?” Garak teased as he lay beside his lover.

“Forgive me if I need a moment to catch my breath,” Julian replied, panting lightly.

Garak smirked, lying on Julian's chest and relishing the warmth rolling off of him. “Not going to quote any more of that damned play at me?”

Julian chuckled breathily, wrapping his arm around Garak. “You'll recall that's what got us started in the first place… when you suggested a better use for my mouth.”

“Mmm, I didn't hear you complaining,” Garak purred. He nipped lightly at Julian's neck, leaving a mark that would be easily covered by the doctor's uniform.

A contented sigh escaped Julian's lips. “What's there to complain about?” He leaned down and kissed Garak tenderly. They leisurely traded kisses back and forth until Julian's comm badge chirped an alarm.

Julian pulled back with a groan. “I have to get to work,” he said regretfully. “Can I use your sonic shower?”

“Of course, my dear,” Garak replied, moving so that Julian could slip out of the bed. Julian quickly stole another kiss before darting into the bathroom.

Garak stood and gathered his and Julian’s clothing from the various places around the room where they had been abandoned and stacked them in two piles. Julian emerged from the bathroom just when he was done.

“Garak, have you seen my- Oh.” Julian grinned and gave Garak a grateful kiss. “Thank you,” he said as he broke the kiss and quickly started dressing.

Garak smiled fondly at the sight. “I shouldn’t say this, but I almost hope more Cardassian dissidents try to flee through Deep Space 9.” Julian pulled his lavender undershirt over his head and looked up to frown at Garak. Garak ran a hand through Julian’s delightfully soft hair. “I know you don’t approve of the situation, my dear, but  _ I _ am incredibly thankful for any opportunity to see you.”

Julian let out a sigh as he pulled his jumpsuit back on. “I understand. You don’t make the decisions, you just carry them out.” Oh how wrong Julian was, but then his ignorance of Garak's actual role as head of the Obsidian Order was one of the things that made him so attractive.

“The prisoner exchange was actually my suggestion,” Garak explained. “It’s the military that thinks they can get whatever they want through threats. I prefer to find a peaceful solution.” He gave Julian his most innocent look, the kind that almost seemed as false as it was if you were looking carefully.

A smile crossed Julian’s lips, he was apparently content to not look too carefully. “A path towards better understanding?” he asked playfully.

“Exactly,” Garak replied, pulling Julian in for a quick kiss.

“I think you’ll enjoy  _ Julius Caesar _ more than  _ Romeo and Juliet,” _ Julian said as he pulled away, sitting down to pull on his boots. “It has more political intrigue and less horny teenagers.” He leaned into Garak’s hand as the Cardassian resumed stroking his hair.

“And you’ll have to tell me what you think of  _ Meditations on a Crimson Shadow. _ It should be more to your...eager tastes.”

Julian chuckled as he stood and pressed one last kiss to Garak’s lips. “I certainly hope so,” he replied. “Let me know if you have time for another rendezvous before you leave.”

“I will,” Garak promised. Julian gave him one last warm smile before he left.

Once alone, Garak slipped into the sonic shower to quickly clean off and then put his clothes back on. He’d just grabbed a PADD with the thought of trying to read Julian’s latest recommendation when his console chimed. He turned on the screen and was greeted by the image of Gul Toran.

“Hello, Toran,” he greeted politely. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Councillor, I need to speak with you, in private,” Toran replied. There was something about his tone, a smug undercurrent, that set Garak on edge. This was not going to be a pleasant meeting.

“Of course. You may come in.”

The door to Garak’s guest quarters slid open and Toran entered confidently. He sneered at Garak.

“I should have  _ suspected _ ,” Toran declared righteously. “What sort of Cardassian  _ chooses _ to  _ play _ at being a  _ diplomat? _ The kind of  _ xenophile deviant _ who puts his  _ interests _ above those of the State.”

_ Ah, _ Garak thought.  _ This is about Doctor Bashir. _

Garak gave Toran a polite but confused smile as he set the PADD down on a shelf. “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I don’t know  _ what _ you’re referring to.”

Toran scoffed. “Act high and mighty while you still can. I saw your  _ plaything _ leaving your quarters. I wonder how long he’d last if word of your  _ involvement _ reached Cardassia...” Garak simply blinked, his face deliberately schooled into an unreadable mask. Toran smirked. “Of course, no one needs to find out if you simply do what I tell you. I’m going to  _ enjoy _ having the head of the Obsidian Order at  _ my _ beck and call.”

Garak’s expression crumbled. He quickly turned away and leaned on the nearby shelf for support.

“What’s the matter, Garak? Out of pretty words?” Toran taunted.

In an instant Garak turned and fired on him with the hidden disruptor pistol he’d retrieved from the shelf. The shot hit Toran square in the chest, vaporizing him instantly.

“There is a time for words, and a time for action,” Garak stated to the now-empty room, a cold smile on his face.

\--

Julian was surprised when Dukat walked into the infirmary, looking around nervously. Since the incident with Rugal, Dukat had seemed to be angry with him. Julian had occasionally caught him glaring from across the replimat or Quark’s or the promenade.

“Doctor, may I speak with you?” Dukat asked softly, as if he didn’t want to be overheard.

Julian nodded. “Yes, of course. Come this way.” He led Dukat to his office. Once inside, he turned to face the former prefect. “Now, what’s this about?”

Dukat glanced around warily before speaking. “Tell me, have you ever heard of the Obsidian Order?”

“No, I don’t believe I have,” Julian answered, his expression a puzzled frown.

Dukat took a step closer, bringing him so close there was almost no space between them. “They're the ever-vigilant eyes and ears of the Cardassian Empire. It is said that a Cardassian citizen cannot sit down to a meal without each dish being duly noted and recorded by the Order.”

“What happens if you eat something that doesn't meet with their approval?” Julian asked, carefully keeping his voice steady.

“People have been known to disappear for less.”

“This is very interesting,” Julian said, “but why are you telling me?”

A faint smirk appeared on Dukat’s face as he shook his head. “You’ve attracted the attention of one of their agents. I came to warn you.”

Julian frowned. “Is this about Garak?”

Dukat let out an exasperated sigh. “Of course it’s about Garak. The man is one of the highest ranked members of the Obsidian Order!”

“Do you have any proof?” Julian asked, considering Dukat’s accusation.

“Proof! His role in my father’s trial showed me  _ everything _ I needed to know,” Dukat growled. “No, Garak is too devious to leave behind something that  _ you _ would consider proof.”

Julian took a breath and considered his situation. Dukat didn't know the depth of his involvement with Garak, this was simply him trying to warn Julian away, either because he truly believed Garak was dangerous or possibly as some sort of way to get back at a man who had thwarted him.

“Dukat. I'm hardly close with the man. We speak when he's on the station, and it's far from meaningful conversation.” The lies came easily because at the core of each one was a grain of truth. For all their physical intimacy and the powerful draw between them, Julian and Garak weren't that close. They discussed literature and had sex and Garak had used Julian's connection to Starfleet twice, but they weren't star-crossed lovers doomed to a tragic romance, no matter how much Julian quoted  _ Romeo and Juliet _ . Julian gave Dukat a reassuring smile, hoping to keep the man from digging any deeper. “But I'll keep your warning in mind.”

Dukat’s eyes narrowed. “He's been using you as his contact in the Federation,” he stated, though Dukat’s tone made it sound like an accusation.

“Maybe if there were less plots by former prefects, he wouldn't need a contact?” Julian countered, a hint of coldness in his voice. Dukat had pulled Rugal, an innocent boy, into a political power play. He'd taken the child from a father who clearly loved him unconditionally, just so that he could use him as a pawn.

Dukat actually almost looked contrite. “Doctor, I have done things in my past that I'm not proud of, but Garak's misdeeds are very much in his present.”

“Then I'll make sure to look out for them in my future,” Julian replied with a firm nod, signaling that the conversation was over. Dukat left without another word.

\--

Julian forced himself to focus on his work and present a professional front throughout his shift, but Dukat's warning lingered in the back of his mind.

_ Maybe Dukat is just exaggerating,  _ Julian thought.  _ Surely Garak isn't as dangerous as he implied. …But how well do I really know him?  _

These concerns lingered with Julian until he made it back to his quarters. He looked around quickly to determine that he was truly alone. Then he picked up a PADD and searched around until he found a record of Procal Dukat’s trial.

The entire thing had been filmed and archived.  _ Thank you, Cardassian record keeping,  _ Julian thought as he began to watch the footage.

Cardassian trials didn't happen unless the defendant's guilt was already assured. Their entire purpose was to determine the severity of the sentence. Procal Dukat struck Julian as a man whose punishment had already begun. He seemed defeated and broken and there was a jumpy nervousness to the way he held himself that made Julian suspect he'd been tortured.

Then Garak gave his testimony.

If one were to just watch Garak speak, one would believe he was truly pained by what he was forced to say out of loyalty to Cardassia. But Julian forced his focus to remain on Procal Dukat. The man’s eyes widened and he seemed almost paralyzed with fear.

Julian switched off the recording as soon as Garak’s testimony was finished. He had seen enough. He placed the PADD on the table and ran his hand over his face.

_ Just because Procal Dukat was tortured, that doesn't mean Garak tortured him,  _ Julian thought.  _ That's a weak justification and I know it. Garak was at least involved.  _ Julian let out a soft groan.  _ I don’t  _ want  _ to believe he was involved. I don’t want to believe that he’s capable of something like that, that he’s done those things.  _ Julian’s mind unwillingly wandered back to Tahna Los and the injuries he’d had from Cardassian torture. A shiver ran down his spine.  _ This whole affair was probably a mistake, and yet…  _ A sigh escaped his lips.  _ I’m not sure I regret it. _

The swish of the door sliding open jolted Julian out of his thoughts and caused him to jump up.

Garak entered, smiling. “I hope you’ll pardon the intrusion, my dear, but I’m afraid the prisoners escaping put a wrinkle in my plans, so I’ll be on this station a little longer.” He crossed over to Julian and placed a hand on Julian’s shoulder, close to his neck. It took all of Julian’s willpower to not flinch away.

“I’m, um, not really in the mood,” Julian said, ducking his head slightly. There was no way he could have sex with Garak while all these thoughts were swirling around his head. He could feel Garak looking at him, though whether it was with suspicion or concern, Julian couldn’t tell. Then Garak’s hand slid from his shoulder.

“Of course.” Garak’s voice held no judgement. “Perhaps we could discuss literature?” he offered. Julian considered this, but that wouldn’t get him the information he wanted.

“You said Professor Lang and her students escaped? How?” Julian sat back down on the couch.

Garak shook his head. “I don’t know. They must have had help.” He crossed to Julian’s replicator and ordered a red leaf tea. He raised an eye ridge, silently offering, but Julian shook his head. Garak walked back to the couch with his mug and sat down.

Julian’s eyes darted back and forth as he leaned forward and spoke quietly. “Do you think it was the Obsidian Order?” Garak blinked at him in surprise.

“What makes you think that, my dear?” he asked with nonchalance so fake Julian wondered if he was supposed to see through it.

“Dukat and Odo say that the Order and the military are constantly vying for power. Professor Lang and her students feel the military shouldn't have as much power as it does. I imagine that would endear them to the Order.” Julian shrugged. He didn’t know enough about the Obsidian Order to truly believe the argument he was making, but it had let him raise the topic in a roundabout way.

Garak shook his head in wonder. “When did you become so interested in Cardassian politics?” he asked. Before, Julian would have thought that Garak was impressed, but there was something about his eyes that made Julian feel like Garak was digging for information.

“I thought we might try  _ some  _ conversation one day,” he said, teasing lightly. Garak smiled back.

“I feel like you're trying to ask a question without asking it.”

“You claim to be a smart man,” Julian challenged, pulling back, “make a deduction and answer it.”

Garak considered Julian, his eyes narrowing. Finally, he replied. “I have connections to the Obsidian Order, yes.”

“And you tortured Dukat’s father,” Julian accused levelly. There was no sense in beating around the bush at this point.

“Procal Dukat was not only an enemy to the state, but to the Cardassian people,” Garak dismissed with a wave of his hand. “He was obsessed with class purity and ensuring the poor were essentially slaves to the rich.”

Julian frowned. “That still doesn't mean a man deserves such treatment.” Garak smiled at him in a way that made Julian feel young and foolish.

“You must have known Cardassia employs methods of torture before you became involved with me. The Bajorans certainly haven’t kept it secret.”

“I suppose I shouldn't be surprised or even complain.” Julian sighed. “I knew you were a dangerous man, and it's not like you care about my opinion.” A slight pout formed on Julian’s face against his will, he tried to push it aside and twisted his expression into one of disapproval.

“My dear, do not paint me as a shallow villain simply because I don't perfectly mirror your Federation views. I do what I must for Cardassia. I am a patriot, as I'm sure are you.” Garak placed his mug on the table. “Despite our fondness for one another, I imagine we wouldn't suddenly defect if our governments went to war.” He raised his hand to cup Julian’s cheek, but held it slightly away, giving Julian a chance to pull away or push it aside. When Julian held still for a few moments, Garak closed the distance and let his hand touch Julian’s cheek, cool scales against warm skin. “But I  _ am _ fond of you,” Garak confessed, his thumb lightly making circles on Julian’s face.

Julian’s disapproving expression was at odds with his actions as he leaned into Garak’s touch. “So you're saying that I, a patriot of the Federation, should continue having sex with a Cardassian spy?” Garak’s hand pulled away.

“I never said I was a spy. I also never said what you should do. That's entirely up to you, as it always has been.”

Julian considered this, his mind flipping through options and outcomes faster than humanly possible. But even as his mind provided him with reasons as to why this was a bad idea, his body was acting. Julian surged forward, one hand cradling Garak’s skull as he brought them into a crashing, desperate kiss. The other hand going to Garak’s neck ridge, making the Cardassian moan into Julian’s mouth.

When Julian finally pulled back, Garak’s ridges were already well on their way to flushing a dark gray and his eyes were dark with desire.

“You’ve made up your mind, then?” Garak asked, clearly trying to hide how breathless he was.

“Not at all,” Julian replied with a sultry smile. “I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, but I know that in this moment I want you.” He licked his way up Garak’s neck ridge. “Desperately.”

“Are you sure about this?” Julian nipped just below Garak’s jaw in response. “My dear.” A sloppy kiss this time.  _ “Doctor.” _ Garak emphasized his speech by grabbing Julian’s shoulders and pushing him away. Julian blinked in confusion, his eyes wide with disappointment. “Do you really want to go through with this now?”

Julian let out a small frustrated huff. “Yes, Garak. Yes, I  _ am  _ sure I want this. I wish I didn’t. It would be easier, but I…” He searched around for the right way to phrase his sentence. “I’m overthinking things. And I need to stop  _ thinking.” _ He gave Garak a look that was somehow both needy and sincere.

“If you’re sure,” Garak said warily, releasing Julian, who hesitated.

“Could you...do me a favor?” he asked, almost shyly.

“Depending on what it is.”

“Lie to me,” Julian whispered, meeting Garak’s gaze.

“Of course. I have no connection to the Obsidian Order, and I secretly harbor Federation ideals. Is that better?” Garak’s expression would have been innocent if it weren’t for the teasing light in his eyes.

Julian shook his head firmly, but there was a small smile playing around his lips as an idea formed in his head. “No, no, no, you’re definitely a spy.” His hand moved to smooth Garak’s slicked back black hair. “Dashing and romantic.” His other hand caressed Garak’s cheek as he gazed into the Cardassian’s piercing blue eyes. “Uncovering plots of intrigue and saving your world from destruction.” Julian nodded to himself, as if reinforcing the image in his mind.

Garak frowned in confusion, but raised an eye ridge, intrigued. “That doesn’t sound like a spy at all.”

“That's something a spy would say,” Julian replied, before kissing Garak desperately. This time Garak had no objections as Julian pushed forward, causing Garak to slowly lie back. Julian broke the kiss and eagerly moved to straddle Garak.

“As for me, we’ll keep it simple. I’m a brilliant and beautiful doctor that you’ve just rescued from a death trap,” Julian continued, fleshing out the fantasy. He smiled at Garak’s bemused expression. “Something with lasers, I think. And I’m  _ ever _ so grateful to you for saving my life.” Julian fluttered his eyelashes. “How can I ever thank you enough, Agent Garak?”

“My dear doctor,” Garak purred, “I do believe this safehouse has a bed that we can use.”

Julian grinned lustfully as he got off the couch and helped Garak as well. Then he let Garak lead him to the bedroom.

\--

When they were done, Garak allowed himself the indulgence of lying there stroking Julian’s hair, while the man in question took a moment to recover. Garak had assumed that the moment Julian learned of his association with the Obsidian Order was the moment their arrangement would come to an end. Julian was too proud and righteous a Starfleet officer to knowingly lie with a torturer and assassin like Garak. And while Julian still didn’t know the full extent of Garak’s work, or even his real role as the head of the Obsidian Order, Garak had thought that even this little bit would be enough to drive the young man away.

And yet, here they were, lying together after another round of passionate sex.

“That was excellent.” Julian sighed contentedly. “Especially considering you aren’t familiar with the genre. Remind me to give you some Ian Fleming before you leave.”

“Feeling better, then?” Garak asked. He didn't want to revisit the topic that had preceded the sex, but he wanted to make sure that he had gauged Julian's mood correctly, especially since he truly wanted their arrangement to continue.

Julian let out another sigh, this one less content. “I'm still conflicted,” he confessed. “But I would like to keep doing this...seeing you.” He gave Garak a helpless smile.

“I wouldn't hold it against you if you ended this, you know,” Garak said softly. He didn't want it to end, but he knew that Julian had to feel like he could freely make that choice if this was to have any chance of working. Julian looked up at him. “I'm not going to force you to stay with me.” Much as he wished that he could steal Julian away to Cardassia, that was a hopeless fantasy.

“I know,” Julian replied, pulling himself up to press a soft kiss to Garak’s lips. “I know.” Garak smiled at him.

_ I love you.  _ The thought sprang unbidden to Garak’s mind, but he stopped himself before he voiced it. Instead, he pulled Julian in for another kiss and tried to suppress the feeling of dread in his stomach.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from Romeo and Juliet, Act 1, Scene 1. Romeo is lamenting his love for Rosaline, who doesn't love him back. Benvolio suggests that he stop thinking about her, and Romeo replies with the title.  
> -  
> I hope people are still enjoying this AU, even as Garak gets his hands dirtier.


End file.
